You’re in the Rabbit Hole.
I know that your world is jammed full of so damn many messages about who you are supposed to be, how you are supposed to be, and what you are supposed to be that it’s easy to feel like you’re drowning. Trying to align yourself to this vortex of expectations can rob you of precious happiness and peace. You may feel stuck in a life, job, relationship and even mindset that are miserable. In this scenario, it’s easy to understand why you are anxious and/or depressed, or edgy and constantly triggered into reactions that aren’t serving you.
First off, you’re not alone.
Everyone gets sucked into negative reactions from time to time. Before you even know what happened, you’re in what I call “the rabbit hole” This is where we go when we are:
Defensive
Feeling stuck
Overwhelmed
Limited
Quick to blame others
In the rabbit hole we:
Ask questions like “Why is this happening to me?”
We shut down, or avoid conflict, struggle to problem solve
We numb out with everything from food, to tv and social media, to drugs and alcohol, and more.
The problem with the rabbit hole is that it’s hard to create anything beautiful or productive from this dark, cramped space. So why do we frequent the rabbit hole when not much good comes from it? The answer is a big one;
Safety.
The rabbit hole is where we go to protect ourselves.
We trade the possibility of connection, the optimism for the future, the potential to grow—-all of it—for safety. Everything glorious that we might achieve pales in comparison to feeling safe. We will even trade knowing and being ourselves. That’s right, we give up authenticity for the benefit of safety.
Let’s just take a moment to honor the part of us that has always lobbied for our safety and done a damn good job at achieving it. If you’re reading this right now, something or someone in your past kept you safe. For many of us, without that protection, we would not have survived childhood at all.
But in adulthood, the rabbit hole feels limiting; it has the potential to keep us from connecting to others because— let’s face it—no one else can fit in the rabbit hole. Its accommodations are for one.
In adulthood we can risk vulnerability and find our way out of our places of safety for the opportunities that we long for. We can see ourselves in the full light of day and come to know ourselves without those limitations.
Maybe you are on the precipice of discovering:
What you actually care about vs. What you’ve been told to care about
What excites you vs The drudgeries of adulting
What you are really good at vs What you think you should be doing
What you are proud of vs The mistakes you’ve made
Who and how you love vs A love that’s moralized and controlled
What makes you little-kid kind of happy vs Never dreaming, playing, or being downright silly
It’s magical up here. The world outside is full of joy and possibilities. Tap into your courage to discover what awaits you beyond the rabbit hole.
-Coach Cathy
